Grace and mercy

Did you know that a person with dementia can't remember how to move their body so straightening themselves in a chair is puzzling?

Did you know that a person with dementia can't remember what utensil to use so they choose one, even if it's their fingers, and use it for everything?

Did you know that a person with dementia perceives themselves as healthy and whole and so they attempt to do "normal" things that they are no longer capable of doing -- drive a car, walk without a walker, take a shower?

24 hours at home and my husband has demanded car keys, credit cards, ATM card.  He has broken a cup trying to get up from a chair without his walker while holding a cup of coffee.  He has rooted through my desk even after being asked to not "mess up my system".  He has walked out of the house without saying what he was doing.  Thankfully he only went to the mailbox but then that's an issue because I had to go hunting for what he did with the mail.  He tried to get on the internet to check our accounts, bills, etc.  So far no logic or explanation satisfies him.

He is already losing his posture, again, as he is inattentive to his body.  He reminds me of a young baby who has neither the self-awareness nor the body control to sit themselves up, roll over, or move from an awkward position.  He slumps forward with his head down as he walks and thus runs into things.  Reminding him or prompting him brings either a VERY long delay in response or anger.  At the same time he resists continued physical therapy because he "doesn't need it", imagines they are "just ripping us off until insurance runs out", or even that they know we have savings and are scamming us for our money!

The caregiver who has been with us 2 days is great!  What a God-send!  My husband doesn't like her because he thinks she is "watching his every move" and is trying to catch him doing things "wrong".  He has no insight into the care he needs.

So here's what I have learned in 24 hours.

• My husband is a rambunctious toddler in a BIG body.
• Serve foods that can be eaten ONE way -- all finger food, or all fork food, or all spoon food!
• Lock up everything I don't want him to get in to!
• Learn to shrug and say "oh well" or "I'm sorry you're unhappy" rather than try to explain everything.
• Don't remind him to use the walker, to ask for help, or to fix his posture.  Just get up and bring him the walker, help him, or modify his posture with my touch.  Reminding him isn't going to make him remember.  He is in the Land of Unlearning.
• Quit trying to get him to understand and agree with my decisions.  Adopt a matter-of-fact attitude and tone of voice.

I am asking God for grace and mercy and a servant heart.  I will bring Him the little bit I have and ask Him to do again what he has done so many times before -- multiply it to be more than enough.