This is the day the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.

  Valentine's Day was a challenge for me this year.  First of all, I'm tired.  I am essentially a single mom for all practical purposes.  That means all the household tasks including home maintenance.  No seriously.  Pressure washing the house, cleaning the stains off the roof, cleaning the pool, maintaining the yard along with all the inside jobs.  Now add finances including one son in out of state college, one heading to in state college this summer, and Ray's medical expenses and caregiver.  Some days my head swims with the to-do list along with doctor appointments and kids'  activities.  Oh yeah.  And I work.

Second, I don't know how to be a wife to a man I take care of.  Ray doesn't really have conversations anymore.  He spends 90% of his waking time watching TV and napping.  He is letting his hair grow long.  He doesn't attend to his appearance (mismatched clothes, long nails, ear hairs that look like caterpillars) and is annoyed if I suggest taking care of any of these things.  He drools a lot.  He makes repetitive grunts and groans.  Overall I do not find him "attractive".

So here comes Valentine's Day.  A day to celebrate our 25 years of marriage and 30+ years of knowing one another.  If I buy a card, what should it say?  A gift?  Will he notice?  It turns out the answer is YES.  He invited me to dinner out.  I bought a card that was mushy even though I don't feel all of that anymore.  He gave me a beautiful gift.  Dinner was delicious.  Conversation was non-existent.  All in all it was a lovely evening.  Once home, Ray was back in front of the TV.

More and more I see that I have to make a choice.  I have to choose whether I will wallow in my circumstances and bemoan what I don't have OR rejoice in the myriad of blessings in my life.  I am coming to understand that, to a certain degree, joy is a choice.  It is not dependent on circumstances.  Joy is about where I focus my attention.  If I focus on what's missing or what might happen, bitterness or fear steals the joy.  The very joy that will be needed to get me through the difficult circumstances.  

     This is the day the Lord has made.  I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.