No doubt about it, adolescence is tough. Peer pressure. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Fitting in. Now add the issues of sexual & gender identity, STDs, and social media. It is a time of much angst and seems to begin a lot sooner than I remember. My 12, almost 13 year old, has been navigating this stuff since 5th grade! And as a mom, there is only so much I can do. I can listen. I can ask good questions. But I can't protect him.
Unfortunately Wyatt's world is complicated by his dad's diseases. He recently bemoaned that friends are uncomfortable around Ray. He makes them feel "weird". Wyatt told them matter-of-factly that his dad makes him uncomfortable too. My heart ached. Fitting in with friends is hard enough in 7th grade without having a "weird" dad. In talking it through I told Wyatt that I was proud of him for admitting how he feels. And then we talked about how to explain Ray's diseases, how to normalize feeling uncomfortable until you get used to how he is, how to assure friends that Ray's "weirdness" is nothing to be afraid of. The conversation was over quickly and Wyatt was off to a friend's house giving me hugs and kisses. I sat down and cried.
I grieve that my children have to make such explanations. I grieve that they would rather go to someone else's home where no explanations are necessary. I grieve that Ray is an "eccentric" 80 year old man in a 60 year body. I grieve that he can't "learn" to behave better when others are around.
And I hope. I hope my children learn compassion. I hope we learn to give unconditional love. I hope we appreciate what we have since we live with a daily reminder of how quickly it can all go away. I hope we make the most of what Ray is able to do and be a part of. I hope.
